Frequently Asked Questions

[Skip Breadcrumb Navigation]

Frequently Asked Questions
Q: I'm in my first serious relationship, but it seems we're constantly arguing. Is fighting necessarily a sign of a troubled relationship? Male, Sophomore
A: It depends on what you're fighting about. I hope you find time to do other things besides fight. Are you having challenging and healthy discussions about your thoughts and feelings? Are you hearing each other and respecting each other's thoughts, feelings, and opinions? In any relationship, there are disagreements and differences of opinion. That's what makes relationships interesting and fun. Arguments aren't always a sign of a bad relationship; lots of times people find out about each other through spirited discussion. What matters, I suppose, is what happens when you finish the argument. Are you able to agree to disagree? Are you still friends? If all you do is fight - disagree and end up mad at each other - it may be time to ask yourself some questions: Why are you fighting? What are you gaining from this relationship? Do you feel better or worse about yourself after spending time together? Do you want to understand your partner or just tell them how you feel and leave it at that? Are there real differences of opinion with no room for compromise? Are you really happy? Again, I would want to know if your relationship involves more than fighting and disagreeing. Do you share fun times? Do you find time to enjoy each other? Are you happy and energized by being with this person? A healthy relationship is one that leaves you feeling better about yourself - not worse.

Q: I broke up with my boyfriend over a year ago, but I can't stop thinking about him. I've dated other guys, but nobody seriously. Will I ever get over him? Female, Junior
A: Probably. One year isn't really a long time to still be thinking about your old boyfriend, especially when you haven't established another serious relationship. It's important to look at why you still think about him. Is it the relationship with him that you miss, or just having a relationship? Why did you break up? Often times it can be easier to remember the good times with your boyfriend, while forgetting why the relationship didn't work out. Remember: One of our tasks in life is learning to let go. It's hard.

Q: I am a very jealous guy. When I am dating someone I want to be the only thing she needs. I can't stand the thought that she might find someone else attractive or interesting. Almost always, there's no reason for me to think this way, but I can't help it. I end up driving her away. What now? Male, Sophomore
A: Hey, we all feel a bit protective of the person we love, but what you describe is a bit of an extreme. As you have found out in your past relationships, this can be very destructive - you end up suffocating the person you're seeing and driving them away. So what's really going on? Do you really want the relationship to end? Are you so insecure with yourself that you have to hold on so tight to another person? I think an honest look inward will be very useful. Working to change your destructive behavior will be to your advantage. Can you talk to someone about this?

Legal and Privacy Terms

[Return to the Top of this Page]